My husband and I find myself guilty

I know that my husband committed adultery, so I cursed at him and found that it was not wise for me to do so.

My husband and I are about to divorce, waiting for the court to call. When I was with my husband, I always thought that parting would be more peaceful in this life, until I moved out I could not find peace. I tend to take all the guilt about myself, feel bad, useless, and miserable children. I also excused my husband, saying that everything he treated me badly was because of me. So I regret, I want to be healed but he disagrees. I always feel restless, worried, afraid of everything and sometimes think of suicide. I had to talk to a psychologist, and for a short while that feeling returned to me, distracting and difficult to sleep. I felt that I was not competent enough to make decisions and be independent. Above is the situation I encountered, and below is my marriage.

We have been married for 10 years, have 2 children, well-behaved and docile. In the early years, life was quite happy, in recent years there were many things, in general we melted and re-matched several times because we thought for our children. The cause comes from behaving on both sides, both hurt their parents on both sides. I don't know how to be patient, just seeing my husband go with girls makes um up again. He thought that made him lose face. Then we returned more than 2 years after a period of separation, then quarreled, fighting. I keep arguing that he beat me. When I was beaten, I turned into a madman, crying. Recently, I knew he was dating, knowing that he no longer loved me. He also said that I was bored. You go on public, go out, eat out, and take my children with you. The other girl was near my house, they also said I was mentally ill. In my heart, I still want to keep the family for my children, but I cannot help it. I still cried, could not sleep, cursed.

My months were like that, so much frustration in my heart, my husband kept urging me to sign the form. Then I signed, and after that he chased me away, I didn't go. A few days later, we argued again, he punched me a few times, I cried um and decided to move away. At that time, the daughter was ill. He chased me but told me not to take the child. My mother-in-law also keeps me from taking my grandchildren, in my heart I understand, she keeps me and doesn't chase me. I was so upset because I took my son.

One day later I regretted that it was my son's house, there were always three mothers and children there, not far from me. You are not good to me but good to me. In addition to staying at the inn, I always worry about money. I wished to be there, he still provided education and food for my mother and children. I can take care of my children and I will not apply economic pressure if I am still there. Why can't I sacrifice for my children? He said the divorce was just to make me silent, not say anything when he was with her. I did not have the self-esteem so I wanted to be with people who did not need me, but compared to the fact that my parents were together, my husband and I no longer loved each other, living together because my children felt better.

That's what I used to think, it's too late now. What should I do so that each day passes without feeling guilty. I myself also think that his affair, beat me is caused by me. I don't know how to behave, I don't know how to cultivate my home. Is it because of me that I broke my family?