I'm not sure my whole life faithful to my husband

In the past, I used to hate those who committed adultery, when they betrayed their partners, all words were blamed. I understand enough how valuable I am to reject any flirtations and temptations.

I was so arrogant that I always thought that if girls were only pretty but the level of not just like flowers would wither at any time, until then, they would lose all value. I ignored the naive student sentiments, since childhood, what was sown in my head was to escape poverty, although at that time I did not understand how to escape. Just know my father often said that if not study, society will eliminate poor people on their own. In addition, I also heard the sisters tell about those who were abandoned by the love, I pouted contempt for those who love early, so rushed into school, learning how to love lessons. So much so that the boys at first looked at me like they were enjoying and flirting; after a while they will know how to get away automatically and not make me angry.

I love you, now my husband, after finishing college. It was simply not love but feeling something was missing in my life, and then when it came I was sucked in without pulling my leg out. The competition days, studying too tired, I played social media, took a photo posted, and hundreds of likes made me surprised. My old friends, my brothers, and my husband also flirted through text messages. I am entertained by finishing everything, after exhausting working days, chatting with them. I didn't see anyone because I was afraid of losing time, afraid to have direct contact. What came also came, the first time he was far away sending me flowers and chocolates, a method that made me feel so touched, for so long I had never gotten used to such romantic things.

I don't know what you do, what you have, I just feel familiar because in the old days we used to meet each other in the same village, we just know who each other's family has, and our personalities and our work ... we don't care about. I subjectively thought that if I just knew it, I quickly nodded. I have been disappointed many times before but I did not break up because I was afraid because of my reputation, I did not want to get used to getting used to it but I did not want to get married. In addition, at that time, the parents were also in the process of divorcing, not wanting their families to suffer more from the language. It was that cowardly thought that pushed my life into tears-filled days, leaving my feet at receding hours. No one understands me, there are nights sitting hugging the pregnant belly, waiting for the husband to go back to drink, his wife cooked rice did not bother to touch.

I do not let myself and my child suffer because of my choice, try as hard as I can so that when the pregnancy and childbirth are not enough emotionally, we will be compensated materially. I was straining to receive attention from my husband. That made him always say I was happy, giving birth to my husband. I always try to make fun, try to make my husband not crave for strangers outside. I want to warm up the couple but sometimes touching the husband is thrown out. I felt his reluctance, saw that he was not love enough with his wife, and that he counted again the patriarch.

Many nights tears flow, sometimes I wish only once my husband heard me confide, but all just like flying clouds after drinking with friends. For my husband, it is better to leave his wife than to drink with you. Previously I was a dynamic girl, love life, now I no longer have any feelings for anyone. After trying to cultivate, cook delicious meals, and try to do things to make the couple's life happy, I realized that I was not rewarded. I find the person beside me so selfish, letting go is what makes me most peaceful. When I did it, I was strong, but it was still miserable because what I wanted was a complete family and could not, I felt so failed.

Over the years, have your husband ever actively hugged me or done something to make me smile? Never, instead of tears, day by month, are we too young? Numerous quarrels, slaps, nights of constant drinking, nights I hugged and cried, sorrowful, miserable or miserable? By now I think, women should also find themselves a path of happiness after the hurt and the cold.

By the end of these lines, I was still a young mother, wanting to have feelings, still faithful to my husband, having no intention of finding anyone else, but through such trauma, I'm not sure I am faithful to my whole life. I'm in a quiet state, thinking about things in many directions.